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When I started asking all my questions you will hear in my video journey…
My desire was not to walk out of church one day and never go back.
I loved Jesus, as my lover.
I loved Worshiping in voice, body and soul.
I felt the community was my home.
But, I couldn’t deny my truth:
I was bleeding out my life force.
From my wedding dress to the nursery rocker,
From the therapist's office to pastor’s office,
From being gaslit into forgiveness and silence,
From the prayer circles where I begged God to save a man who said he loved me,
Yet treated me with contempt, toxic words and alarming anger.
I didn’t deconstruct because I wanted to rebel or leave the Church.
I deconstructed because I and my soul were dying.
I deconstructed becasue I was living in fear for my and my children’s lives…
I deconstructed beacause when I needed the “Body of Christ” to keep me and my children safe…all I found was deaf ears, empty hands and soulless promises.
IF I KNEW WHAT IT WAS GOING TO TAKE ME TO LEAVE…WOULD I STILL HAVE LEFT?
To be completely honest, I am not sure.
Of course hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20…and knowing what I know now (see this marriage as a business contract and the BAD DEAL for women via marriage) I would have at least set myself up in a completely different way. Even though I did a really good job all things considered.
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