Why Don’t I Call It "Matriarchy"?
And why the experts don't either...
So let’s talk about a word that’s making the rounds again: Matriarchy.
It’s all the rage right now in social media at large.
Just yesterday I ran into it twice here on Substack.
Once with a young matriarch trying to explain why matriarchy ain’t a bad term (which what she described actually is NOT matriarchy…but more of that later).
Another by a writer/follower of Deconstructing Patriarchy who commented on a Note.
And I GET it. I soooooo get it!
We are all so freaking damn tired. Exhausted by the hierarchical domination, extractive power, and systems built on control that we know of as Patrairchy.
Tired of being trolled and gatekeeped by the system telling us we will be single, lonely cat ladies if we don’t silence our voices.
(I’ll keep the 😼 and my voice, thank you very much. But truth be told I am more of a 🐶woman!)
So it makes sense that the opposite of this domination and earth depletion would be Matriarchy, right?!?!?!
We just need to put the power in women’s hands.
Take it from father-rule to mother-rule.
From “kingdom” to “queendom.”
But here’s the thing I cannot stop “hearing” from my 15 years of study:
The EXPERTS in this field — the feminist experts — do not use the word matriarchy for the type of system that will get us out of this mess.
Not because they don’t believe in the feminine. They 1000000% do.
Not because they don’t think mothers and women deserve reverence. We do.
But because language matters.
Unfortunately, we cannot deny that “matriarchy” is just patriarchy in a dress.
✦ What Matriarchy Literally Means
“Matriarchy” comes from Latin:
mater (mother) + archē (rule).
It means rule of mothers. Power over.
The inverse of patriarchy.
Here’s another truth I have held to (and built community around) since the 2016 election cycle:
We don’t end cycles of harm by reversing who gets to hold the whip.
In other words, we cannot build something new using the same energy that built the old.
✦ What People Think They Mean (and Why It Resonates) When They Use the Word “Matriarchy”
When people say matriarchy, what they usually mean is:
Dismantling domination in favor of true Equality for ALL
Centering care of ALL of life
Honoring life-giving power and the cycle of death that brings new life
Living in harmony with the earth
Building non-hierarchical, collective communities
Which is beautiful. But that’s not matriarchy.
It is actually called Partnership.
A Societal Structure with inherent equality built in and a matrifocal and matrilineal kinship model. This model shows that EVERYONE thrives. Including children and men.
Here’s the BEST thing: This is not a fantasy. It’s not wishful thinking of a whole bunch of feminist, woman-centered-male-haters that are putting this model forth as the model to help us transform our world.
This model IS A documented, researched, and historically grounded Societal Mode. Via the work of scholars like Dr. Gerda Lerner (“The Creation of Patriarchy”), Riane Eisler (“The Chalice and the Blade” and her work with the Center for Partnership Systems), Marija Gimbutas, Heide Göttner-Abendroth, and others who’ve spent their lives recovering what patriarchy tried to erase.
✦ Words Matter
When we use inaccurate words, we accidentally smuggle the old paradigm into the new vision.
Calling something “matriarchy” while describing a consensus-based, egalitarian society is like calling a vegan restaurant “The Slaughterhouse” and then trying to explain that you meant it ironically.
This word doesn’t just muddy the waters—it pushes people away.
And not just the power-hoarding kind of men—
but the good men, the curious ones, the ones trying to help shift the tide.
If we keep using language that sounds like “now it’s our turn to rule,”
we close the door on the very people we need to help build what’s next.
This isn’t about going soft.
This is about being strategic and inclusive with our words—without compromising truth.
✦ So What Do I Call It?
I call it:
🌿 Matrifocal – centered on the mother, not ruled by her
🌿 Matrilineal – kinship traced through the mother’s line
🌿 Partnership-based – a real model, researched and named by Riane Eisler
🌿 Life-affirming. Earth-rooted. Relational.
These are historically grounded societies that have existed.
We have the archeological evidence that points to this.*
They don’t operate on domination or binary rule.
They operate on connection, reciprocity, and shared responsibility.
And yes, they include men. Not just as helpers, but as full participants in the communal fabric.
We don’t need men to “step aside.”
WE NEED MEN TO STEP IN—and we need language that invites them to do so.
*We also have the biological evidence in the Bonobos…..which I talk about all in this episode.
✦ This Isn't Just Theory — It’s Season One
If you’ve been following my YouTube series, you know this isn't just an intellectual exercise for me.
In Episodes 1- 3, I use Gerda Lerner’s work in “The Creation of Patriarchy” to lay the groundwork to understand how we got here…the ideology that built upon itself for 2500 years (before the Bible was even conceived or written) to anchor itself as “natural” into our Cultural DNA, into our collective and individual psyches
In Episode 4, we tackle the concept of what DECONSTRUCTION even means and how to use it
In Episodes 5-11, we start unraveling what myths are; how they shape social systems through History; what History is and is not; where fundamentalism religions come from; how the bible came to be within this framework — and so much more.
Episodes 12 & 13 are about my own personal Deconstruction Journey from both the Evangelical/White Christian Nationalist world — and the toxic self-help world (which will be a future season!)
Then in Episode 14, I go directly into the work of Gerda Lerner and Riane Eisler— not just to deconstruct patriarchal systems,
but to reconstruct a vision rooted in partnership society.
To say this again:
Partnership Societal Structure ain’t just a fantasy.
It’s a historically documented, future-possible framework that’s already in motion.
One I am looking into to possibly continue my own educaitonal path and the work of Deconstructing patriarchy.
✦ The Bottom Line
I don’t want to rule over you.
I don’t want women to dominate men.
I don’t want the whip painted pink…(except in one area of life…had to go there 🤣!)
I want something vastly different.
I want something incredibly better.Something that begins not with who’s in power,
but with how we are in relationship.
📥 Drop a comment: What do you call it?
PS: If this sparked something in you, you might love some of my suggestions below to dive deeper. And if you’ve been using “matriarchy” and it’s resonated—no shame. But now you know. Let’s keep evolving the language, the invitation and the legacy together.
🎥 Catch up on Season One on YouTube
⚡Go Deeper: https://tinyurl.com/mythicrebelstarthere
💥Patriarchy's Gatekeepers Field Guide - Spot them and Stop them!💥 → https://tinyurl.com/patrirachysgatekeepers
PSS: If someone forwarded this to you — you have an AWESOME friend! Thank them by joining us here:
💌 Forward this to someone who’s dreaming bigger than just flipping power
Great insight. TY